In the spirit of gratefulness and giving, I'm offering SIX FREE books on Amazon for a limited time! There's a little something for everyone: Paranormal, Sci-Fi, and Contemporary Romance.
Sale ends November 30th at Midnight (PST) so grab them while you can!
SIX FREE Books for a limited time!
I recently watched a video where a guy put a cheesecake recipe through Google Translate, then proceeded to make the dessert based on the directions. I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in my life. I couldn't breathe. Brandon Farris is hilarious, and if you aren't following him yet, I highly recommend you do.
After laughing until I cried, I got to thinking what my books might sound like if I applied the same method. The results were so much fun, I couldn't help but share.
Excerpt of 3013: Fever
"Please," Jael prayed as she got up to her feet. "I can say everything, but I need to keep quiet."
Be patient? When he was laying, went out, everything-he'd be all right. Then, he would raise up like a loose beast, and she wanted him to set down. This was an impossible task, especially when he was in a bad mood to look at his own body and be aware that he was looking at himself.
"Why is hell so naked?" He screamed as he took off the sackcloth and wrapped it around his waist. That didn't make him feel good, but maybe it let him be no longer respected. "Where are my clothes? Why do I look like this? Does hell happen right now?"
"One question at a time," Jael replied with a miracle. "Please, neelum, sit down before you hurt yourself."
"I don't. I am good." He sure if hell wasn't good, but what else could he say? "What did you do for me?"
"I?" She shook back and just put her hands on her side. "I haven't done this."
He complained, “He did,” fearing that his words would be more difficult than he wanted. "Tell me." No one walked all the foot and found thirty pounds in a few hours without them. "Tell me what you did to me."
"Luke, faith." Cami put the room in the picture but stopped several times as I watched. "You stay a full donkey."
He was wearing a blanket on his waist, and Luke met him with his neighbor's eggs. "So is my problem?" Without describing what comes from women, he was tired and patient. Somebody start talking."
"You will take care of how to walk with my sister." A man with red hair and violent words appeared outside a fireplace, seemingly empty, his hand sitting on his seat.
Luke unknowingly recognized him from the past on the balcony. If he was given a name, he could not remember, and he is not now careful.
"Speak to him again and again," he continues, "and I will circumcise your tongue from your mouth."
On one hand, if someone tried to talk to Cami as he just raised his voice to Jael, Luke would give them their ass. On the other hand, leave the boy. "You can try."
“Who! Put it, all of you." Directing them to place themselves among them, Cami throwed her hands off and jumped her foot. "Enough. Everyone, just take a stick."
"I want to beat"
"Luke!" she screamed. "Not help." Deeply caught, she took the breath from the heartbeat, then she released them slowly as she pulled out her hands. "Behold, I am delaying, and everyone is on the edge. So why can we rest, and we can repeat this conversation in the morning and a little louder?"
"I just started to wake up." Although Luke was listening, he was still a boy, but he did not change his words. He didn't want to sleep. They wanted answers.
Cami shot him in the skin. "Then, you can be here by yourself thinking about how you did."
"I didn't -"
Luke shook and looked down on his chest. "Can I have clothes?"
Ten years ago, Commander Lucas Brighton left behind everything safe and familiar in hopes of outrunning his family's legacy. For a while it worked. For a while, he was more than just the son of a killer or the heir to a pharmaceutical empire. Now, instead of his coveted command post on Alpha Station: X4, he spends his days in an underground lab failing to turn a bunch of magical flowers into an effective treatment for infertility.
When the king of the entire planet asks you to aid in the advancement of human medicine, you do it. For Jael Moonmist, that means leaving Xenthian for the first time in her long life and traveling across the galaxies to a strange, unknown world. Arriving at the front door of the opulent, hilltop mansion, she holds few expectations. Least of which is meeting her soulmate, then having him pass out before she can even introduce herself.
Their relationship gets off to a rocky start, but when a mishap in the lab leaves Jael suffering from a mysterious illness, Luke will do whatever it takes to save her. Even if that means abandoning everything and embarking on a frantic trek across the universe.
With the clock ticking, can he reach the antidote on Xenthian in time, or will he be forced to watch as his new mate is consumed by the fever?